Compassionate Rocks

"As a solid rock is not shaken by the wind, so the wise are not shaken by censure or praise." Dhammapada VI, (81)

Thank you "Words of Dhamma" program...

I needed this.

Throughout my life I have been the go to girl for advice. For as long as I remember I have been asked about my opinion on things by my peers, and later in life even by my own father (which shocked me actually but I gave it my best shot.) I like to think I give good advice. My husband says I do, and my many satisfied customers seem to affirm this. But is this the same as being a wise person, or just someone with an opinion?

Lately two people have been relying on me to help them through their issues. I walk slowly through the problems with them, trying to help them look at the underlying causes of their problems and the attachment they have to those underlying feelings and tendencies that leads them into their problems. Once these things are identified I can only encourage them to work on detaching from the causes and taking whatever steps needed to stop the cycle.

One of them, after I poured 3-4 continuous hours of sympathy, compassion, and reason into the problem, seemed completely liberated from the problem, and assured me of the steps this person was going to take to make sure not to fall back in. I personally felt quite good, I felt like I had really helped someone, perhaps my ego even started to say No wonder you want to be a teacher, you are so good at guiding others. Look how well you've helped this person, Perhaps you are growing to become wise! Even the person I helped praised and thanked me greatly, feeding this egoic compulsion to suddenly feel "wise".

And then.... the next night... I find out that this person did not take any of the steps, just after I spent an hour and a half on the phone helping the second person (not related to the first person in any way) with their problem. The first person wanted to go over it all once more, attaching to the problem again and repeating the self-pity analyzation cycle I had thought I had helped the person out of, and I just could not do it. I told the person to review our chat history, and that I just had to say no this time, and how I had just been working with person 2. I said that nothing in my perspective has changed, and that I don't appreciate my kindness being thrown into the trash.

My ego, who had built itself up as so lovely and wise over the day leading up to this, was seriously angry. "What is the point of spending all MY energy helping them when they won't take the neccessary steps to do anything beyond the philosophical side of it? They have to do their part!!! I am not drive-thru salvation, the things I pointed out require effort on the part of the person who asked for it!! Dammit, I give GOOD ADVICE! This is why I love E so much, when E comes to me for advice, I give it, and she either takes it or leaves it, but may the gods love her for not coming back to me the next day with the same problem after I gave advice!!"

I went offline, turned off the laptop, and my frustration was taken out cleaning paint brushes from oil painting earlier in the day, oh how clean they are now...

I meditated until my heart could return to a loving place, I read a book, then went to sleep.

This morning, I woke up cranky two hours later than I normally wake up. I had to write this blog entry, and am feeling better now. However, there are questions in my heart still.

What is the value of advice given? When a person takes your advice, your compassion, but is not moved to make any real effort on remedying their situation, was the compassion worth anything at all?

I also see that I had begun to think of myself as a kind of rock or mountain as far as a third party advice giver goes. I try not to react to the dramas of others, but to look at the tale from a neutral view, and be the rock to lean on.

"As a solid rock is not shaken by the wind, so the wise are not shaken by censure or praise."

I was shaken to sand by praise and retractions, the rock that I suppose to be is circumstantial. It only is a valid statement when regarding my ability to listen to others' problems, but when it comes to me in general I apparently am still more egoic than I liked to think. Something to work on. I was aware of my self-praise as I gave it, and tried (a little) to detach from it, but obviously I did not detach from it enough.

(This blog was typed in the morning but posted in the evening as the internet was down for a bit.)